My troubles began in the summer of 2010, when I was in my mid-forties. I came down with one of the worst flus of my life. For ten days, I was completely incapacitated and could not get out of bed.
Eventually, the flu passed and life resumed. When new health problems began appearing, I assumed they were the result of stress, age, and the way I was living.
Over the next several years, my body seemed to break down one piece at a time. I developed pancreatitis and eventually had my gallbladder removed. I tore the meniscus in both knees and needed surgery. Then came pain and numbness in my hands and other extremities.
Every problem seemed separate. I never imagined something deeper could be connecting them.
Then testing showed that my hormone levels had dropped dramatically. The change in how I felt was just as dramatic. I didn't feel like myself anymore.
I began hormone replacement therapy, and for a while it seemed to help. My energy returned, my thinking became clearer, and my mood improved. It was easy to believe we had found the problem.
But we hadn't.
A couple of years later, my mental clarity began declining at an alarming pace. I had always relied on my ability to think strategically and solve problems, but suddenly those skills were slipping away.
By 2017, I was experiencing severe joint pain, body aches, crushing fatigue, anxiety, depression, and frightening episodes when my mind would simply go blank.
Sometimes it happened while I was driving. I would suddenly have no idea where I was or where I was going. I traveled for work, and there were days when I didn't know what state I was in or who I was supposed to meet. I relied on my phone to keep track of where I needed to be.
Then my behavior began changing.
My thinking became distorted, and I found myself making impulsive decisions that did not resemble the person I knew myself to be. It felt as though my brain had been hijacked. My judgment was impaired, and I no longer had the clarity and steadiness I had always relied on.
I experienced explosive rage that I could not control. I didn't recognize how deeply my actions and behavior were affecting the people around me. My marriage and my relationships with my three daughters suffered tremendously.
At the time, none of us understood that the physical, cognitive, and behavioral changes I was experiencing could be connected to vector-borne illness. Each problem had been treated separately, and no one had connected the pieces. My family didn't understand what was happening to me, and neither did I.
As my cognitive problems worsened, I continued searching for answers. Eventually, I was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. I was in my mid-fifties.
I couldn't accept it. Something about that explanation didn't make sense to me. I knew my brain wasn't functioning normally, but I felt there had to be more to the story.
Everything finally came to a head on Father's Day in 2018. The consequences of my behavior could no longer be ignored, and my life as I knew it had essentially fallen apart.
I now call that day my "Phoenix Rising."
I spent two weeks alone. It was one of the lowest points of my life, but it forced me to look honestly at what was happening. I needed medical answers and help dealing with the shame, confusion, and damage.
I began seeing a therapist. Because of her own experience with vector-borne illness, she encouraged me to explore Lyme disease and other vector-borne infections.
That suggestion changed the direction of my life.
Additional testing eventually came back positive for Borrelia, Babesia, and Bartonella. After years of symptoms and searching for answers, I finally felt as though there might be an explanation for what I had been experiencing.
Treatment was not easy. I went through extended periods of antibiotic therapy and experienced times when I felt considerably worse before I began feeling better. Recovery was slow.
But gradually, things began changing.
My thinking became clearer. My energy returned. The joint and body pain improved. Most importantly, I began to feel like myself again.
Today, I estimate that I am about 90 percent improved. But getting physically and cognitively better did not erase what happened during the years when I was sick.
I take responsibility for the pain my actions caused. Leaming what was happening to my health helped us understand those years, but it could never erase the hurt I caused my wife and daughters.
I carry tremendous guilt over what I put them through. Rebuilding their trust has been one of the most important things I have done. It has taken time, therapy, difficult conversations, and a willingness to face the pain I caused. I cannot change what happened, but I can continue working to be the husband and father I want to be.
My experience has taught me to keep asking questions, accept support, and find people who will listen. I have also learned that healing goes far beyond physical symptoms. For me, it has meant getting my mind and body back, repairing relationships, and finding a renewed sense of purpose.
My legacy, first and foremost, will always be loving and supporting my wife, Rose, and our three daughters. I also hope that something good can come from what my family and I went through.
That is why I have chosen to share my story. If my experience can help someone else feel less alone, keep searching for answers, or give a family hope during a difficult time, then sharing the hardest parts of my life has a purpose.
My full journey, including more details about my symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, and recovery, is featured in Terri McCormick's book, Being Misdiagnosed: Stories That Reveal the Hidden Epidemic of Lyme Disease.
That same desire to help others is what led me to Global Lyme Alliance.
Four years ago, I began serving as a mentor and advocate with GLA, and today I am a GLA Peer Mentor. I have mentored more than 45 people through GLA's peer-to-peer program.
Supporting others who are navigating Lyme disease has become an important part of my life. I remember what it felt like to know something was terribly wrong and still not have an explanation. I remember feeling misunderstood and alone. I don't want other patients to feel that way.
If you are struggling with Lyme disease or another chronic illness, please know that you are not alone. There are people who understand how difficult this journey can be and who are willing to walk beside you.
I know how frightening it is to wonder whether you will ever be yourself again. I wondered that too.
Today, I have my clarity back, my energy is strong, and I have a life that once felt impossible to imagine. My path to recovery has not been straight or easy, but I found my way back.
Now, through Global Lyme Alliance, I can help others find their way, too.
***
The above material is provided for information purposes only. The material (a) is not nor should be considered, or used as a substitute for, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, nor (b) does it necessarily represent endorsement by or an official position of Global Lyme Alliance, Inc. or any of its directors, officers, advisors or volunteers. Advice on the testing, treatment or care of an individual patient should be obtained through consultation with a physician who has examined that patient or is familiar with that patient’s medical history.